The power of positive thinking

I found myself in a familiar place of sadness and hopelessness again last night when I got a negative pregnancy test and my period. As much as I wanted to crawl in a hole and ignore life for a while I had a therapy session of my own and the timing was great. It sometimes feels hard to take doses of our own medicine as therapists but I've really enjoyed what I get from this lady. I've wanted to have children for as long as I can remember in my life and the urgency just keeps feeling stronger. I think I've been so fearful of this not happening that I am always preparing myself for disappointment. So I know hurt and disappointment are part of life but I am making a consious effort to be positive and hopeful about this process. I will be a mom, I may not know when or exactly how, but I'm choosing to believe this and have a little more faith.

I've been tagged!

Kelly tagged me to share 7 random things about myself. I only know 1 other person with a blog than whose been tagged by Kelly, so apparantly I need to make some more friends:) Here goes:

1. I played violin for 7 years and played in the school orchestra.

2. I've spent a lot of time commuting in my life. When my parents divorced I was a sophomore in highschool and moved 45 minutes away from my highschool. I commuted for 2 1/2 years. Then in college I commuted from Muncie to Anderson for my practicum. In grad school from Anderson to Indy and then my first year at work from Anderson. Now for the last almost 2 years I'm back to commuting atleast an hour each way from Middletown to Indy. Thank goodness for cell phones, we didn't have them back in high school!

3. I had really long hair through high school and college. I was going to attach a picture but can't find it.

4. I played T-ball in Kindergarten, that was the last of my sports career.

5. I met Bobby and my best friend Jama working at a group home for disabled kids in Middletown 14 years ago. We had lots of crazy times cleaning up poo and working with kids having major meltdowns, one of them gave me a black eye with a broom handle once. Overall it was a great job though, I met two of my favorite people!

6. I used to perform every year with a theatre/singing troop at the Jay County Fairgrounds on the 4th of July before fireworks. I have video of me singing the Star Spangled Banner in my poodle skirt(it was a 50's theme that year).

7. My mom's parents lived in Wahsington DC and I went and spent several weeks with them when I was 12 seeing all the sites. It was a great time and I miss them. All of my grandparents have passed away now. 3 years ago I went with my friend Amy Butcher-Shannon who's parents live a few miles from my grandparents old house and found the house, from memory when I was 12, I can't believe we found it. I don't know who lives there now but I took a picture of it for my scrapbook, of course!

Ok, I'm tagging Heather.

Where I am

I haven't been posting much lately because I am torn about how to handle what is most current in our lives. I wanted this to be a place I could share my thoughts and process things and you all know me pretty well to know if I'm thinking and feeling it I'm usuallly wanting to talk about it. Bobby tends to be much more private abou things and definately doesn't feel the need to talk as much. So we haven't told our families everthing about our process of trying to start a family. This is what has been a huge part of our life for the last year + really but recently we followed up with my doctor again and decided to pursue some fertilty methods. It makes me feel hopeful but also scared, mostly of it not working and being disappointed over and over. So my life as much as I try to relax and not think about it is based on days of my cycle. Today is day 25 and we will be testing later this week to see if we get a positive or I get my period. To try to post about other things very often just doesn't feel genuine so I'm just going to share. I might not share results either way until we've told our families but that is what's going on with me right now. I was looking back at my list of 100 post and I think it actually was part of the catalyst that made me realize how depressed I was feeling and how tired of it I was. So that has been much better lately. I had my National Scrapbook Day workshop last weekend with 5 other consultants and 83 customers which was lots of fun. I was completely exhausted when it was over but lots of fun. Aside from knowing the day of my cycle all the time I have been trying to focus on self care and relaxation, unfortunately work sometimes demands more energy than I would like to be giving it to stay balanced but I'm trying really hard at this because it just isn't the top priority anymore in the big picture of life. So there it is, for those of you who pray, please feel free to say one for us for there to be a little one growing or me to keep my optimism and sanity if there's not.

Yuck!

I thought I had avoided all the icky sickness going around. Bobby had the stomach flu and then a few weeks later, the fever, achy, etc flu and I avoided both and then out of seemingly nowhere yesterday I woke up with the stomach flu. I'll spare you all the details but not a fun day! Today has been much better but stick a bit queasy and recovering, so I've enjoyed some nap time on the sofa with my kitties. It sure makes me grateful for when I feel good. WE really shouldn't take it for granted!

Beating Murphy

After about 8 weeks of waiting for Ol'Blue to be finished getting some work done, we got her back and an offer on Bobby's truck so we're making progress. Dave Ramsey talks about "Murphy" moving in sometimes for everything to go wrong and you have to work hard to kick him out and not get frustrated. Well we had a visit a couple times last week. I had a tire blow up while driving home during rush hour on 69 and it was 10 degress outside. I was pretty proud of myself for changing it but had to buy a new tire and then Bobby slid on the ice in his truck we are trying to sell and hit a telephone pole. So it will be getting repaired this week and then hopefully sold next week. Along with a couple medical bills and needing to buy license plates for my Focus I would normally have freaked out a lot more but we've been budgeting dilligently and I had a great CM workshop a couple weeks ago so had a little money saved from that and didn't have to charge any of our Murphey incidents. We are kicking him to the curb and continuing on!



Work has been busy with referrals still coming in and I'm busy getting ready for my National Scrapbook day workshop. I went to an all day workshop yesterday to work on my own books and always have so much fun and find it very relaxing, I need to do it more often.