33 is a fabulous number!

I celebrated my 33rd birthday this week and as much as creeping further in to my 30's usually freaks me out, I've always loved the number 33 and it feels like a good place to be right now. I'm with a wonderful man I love, expecting our first baby, doing work I love almost all the time and working on getting out of debt! I don't know what 34 or 35 will bring so for now I am just planning to enjoy every day of year 33. My mom and my sister were with me most of the week and got me Pottery Barn dishes for my Birthday, then on the actual day everyone had gone home and Bobby and I enjoyed a quiet dinner together at Olive Garden (my choice). Jenny also made me a very pretty cake with yummy homemade icing!

Another Gift

Well the news is good! Our Christmas baby is on it's way! My due date is December 28th, 2008. This is a picture of our little bean from my appointment today. I'm almost 11 weeks and everything is going well! We got to see he/she jumping all around and waving and hear the heartbeat again! He/she is standing on their head in the picture, you can see the profile and the spots in front of it are it's hands it kept waving around. It's feet are tucked in the shadows at the top of the picture.

Needless to say we are really excited and I'm sorry I've been MIA from my blog but we wanted to wait a little bit to share our news! So I promise I'll be back more often with updates about the little one and other stuff too:)

The Waiting Game

We wait, and wait and at some point when we meet our baby I know it will be all worth while but for now waiting is not much fun. Waiting to try again, waiting for ovulation then worst wait, waiting to find out if there is a Big Fat Positive(BFP) or Aunt Flow (AF) coming. Then rebuilding hope and waiting for ovulation again.  Right now ovulation happened, timing for everything went well and now we wait and hope.  

In the meantime we continue to plow through (ok with a little plow compared to how big the debt is) our debt but nonetheless we're plowing!!!  I've been driving Ol' Blue this week for the first time and Bobby has my car to try to save some miles on it. I cleaned it out last weekend, it was really gross since I practically lived in it and probably this weekend we'll put it up for sale. Driving Ol' Blue was fun, you have to step on the brakes a little earlier than my car, especially in stop and go traffic!   We only have two more weeks of Financial Peace Classes and we paid off our sofa today!!!!!! It was financed from Sofa Express with 0 interest so we kept discussing whether it should wait to be paid but it's next in our debt snowball and it feels really nice to sit on it and know we own it free and clear!  

I had a fun and relaxing day last week over break I had lunch with Jenni and Sandy and Isla and then went to visit my friend Ami and her 2 year old little boy and 6 week old little girl, Maggie. I got my baby fix for a little bit snuggling with Maggie. 

Hopefully Tandy won't mind that my blog looks alot like hers now, I liked this design and didn't like mine anymore.

Spring break

I'm enjoying sitting on my couch with my cat in my pj's and its 10:30am on a Wednesday morning! Our school is on spring break this week but I worked Monday and Tuesday but I am now off the rest of the week, yay! My big plans include cleaning and organizing, time with friends and some "baby dancing" as it's called in the trying to conceive world:)  We're hoping this is our month. If we get pregnant my due date would be Christmas which is Bobby's birthday, crazy! We'll take our little blessing whenever it wants to arrive though!   

The power of positive thinking

I found myself in a familiar place of sadness and hopelessness again last night when I got a negative pregnancy test and my period. As much as I wanted to crawl in a hole and ignore life for a while I had a therapy session of my own and the timing was great. It sometimes feels hard to take doses of our own medicine as therapists but I've really enjoyed what I get from this lady. I've wanted to have children for as long as I can remember in my life and the urgency just keeps feeling stronger. I think I've been so fearful of this not happening that I am always preparing myself for disappointment. So I know hurt and disappointment are part of life but I am making a consious effort to be positive and hopeful about this process. I will be a mom, I may not know when or exactly how, but I'm choosing to believe this and have a little more faith.

I've been tagged!

Kelly tagged me to share 7 random things about myself. I only know 1 other person with a blog than whose been tagged by Kelly, so apparantly I need to make some more friends:) Here goes:

1. I played violin for 7 years and played in the school orchestra.

2. I've spent a lot of time commuting in my life. When my parents divorced I was a sophomore in highschool and moved 45 minutes away from my highschool. I commuted for 2 1/2 years. Then in college I commuted from Muncie to Anderson for my practicum. In grad school from Anderson to Indy and then my first year at work from Anderson. Now for the last almost 2 years I'm back to commuting atleast an hour each way from Middletown to Indy. Thank goodness for cell phones, we didn't have them back in high school!

3. I had really long hair through high school and college. I was going to attach a picture but can't find it.

4. I played T-ball in Kindergarten, that was the last of my sports career.

5. I met Bobby and my best friend Jama working at a group home for disabled kids in Middletown 14 years ago. We had lots of crazy times cleaning up poo and working with kids having major meltdowns, one of them gave me a black eye with a broom handle once. Overall it was a great job though, I met two of my favorite people!

6. I used to perform every year with a theatre/singing troop at the Jay County Fairgrounds on the 4th of July before fireworks. I have video of me singing the Star Spangled Banner in my poodle skirt(it was a 50's theme that year).

7. My mom's parents lived in Wahsington DC and I went and spent several weeks with them when I was 12 seeing all the sites. It was a great time and I miss them. All of my grandparents have passed away now. 3 years ago I went with my friend Amy Butcher-Shannon who's parents live a few miles from my grandparents old house and found the house, from memory when I was 12, I can't believe we found it. I don't know who lives there now but I took a picture of it for my scrapbook, of course!

Ok, I'm tagging Heather.

Where I am

I haven't been posting much lately because I am torn about how to handle what is most current in our lives. I wanted this to be a place I could share my thoughts and process things and you all know me pretty well to know if I'm thinking and feeling it I'm usuallly wanting to talk about it. Bobby tends to be much more private abou things and definately doesn't feel the need to talk as much. So we haven't told our families everthing about our process of trying to start a family. This is what has been a huge part of our life for the last year + really but recently we followed up with my doctor again and decided to pursue some fertilty methods. It makes me feel hopeful but also scared, mostly of it not working and being disappointed over and over. So my life as much as I try to relax and not think about it is based on days of my cycle. Today is day 25 and we will be testing later this week to see if we get a positive or I get my period. To try to post about other things very often just doesn't feel genuine so I'm just going to share. I might not share results either way until we've told our families but that is what's going on with me right now. I was looking back at my list of 100 post and I think it actually was part of the catalyst that made me realize how depressed I was feeling and how tired of it I was. So that has been much better lately. I had my National Scrapbook Day workshop last weekend with 5 other consultants and 83 customers which was lots of fun. I was completely exhausted when it was over but lots of fun. Aside from knowing the day of my cycle all the time I have been trying to focus on self care and relaxation, unfortunately work sometimes demands more energy than I would like to be giving it to stay balanced but I'm trying really hard at this because it just isn't the top priority anymore in the big picture of life. So there it is, for those of you who pray, please feel free to say one for us for there to be a little one growing or me to keep my optimism and sanity if there's not.