Well Dave says...

Sometimes I have to stop and laugh at myself lately when Bobby and I are talking about our budget and household plans because very often the words, "Well Dave says..." come out of my mouth. The good thing is he does it too. Many of you have probably heard me talking about Dave Ramsey or know about it yourself.  I don't want to feel like I'm basing all decisions about money on this guy but he makes sense most of the time, is funny and more than anything I  like that it keeps us motivated to keep working on it.  I'm so grateful that Bobby and I have been on the same page about almost everything we've talked about in this process and are working together. So now on Sunday mornings we go to Financial Peace University classes for 13 weeks at a local church.  Ol' Blue is just the beginning and Dave says (lol) that "If broke people think you're weird, than you're doing a good job". So we're about to get really weird.

We got movie gift certificates for Christmas from Bobby's mom which was really exciting since going out is not in the budget. We went to see Untraceable tonight which I enjoyed for a suspenseful movie but crazy disturbing things the killer in the movie did made me realize how desensitized people have become to movies. Some of it was really traumatic.  

Angelversary and Good Friends

The 17th of January last year we found out there was no longer a heartbeat and today is the anniversary of having a D&C and saying goodbye. Among by babycenter friends who also lost babies in January 07, we call them our angel babies and celebrating our angelversaries. Corny I know but nonetheless my new reality. I really thought I had grieved so much during the first few weeks and months that I would be happy and it wouldn't have as significant an impact for so long, but that was not the case. There were so many milestones to grieve, such as all the stages of pregnancy that I so longed to go through and then the due date and then feeling like I was supposed to be off work on maternity leave and holding my little one. It was hard to see people at walmart with babies the age mine would have been . Added to the grief has been feeling so confident that we would be on our way to welcoming another baby into our lives and that hasn't happened yet. A little part of me is relieved to have the big milestones over now and I continue to try to focus on the future and move forward. I so appreciate those of you who have offered support and understanding on this journey. I truly treasure your friendships.

Girls Night

So on to new things in the new year, a bunch of old friends got together for girls night and 1 boy( little Lucas) was there charming us:) It was good to catch up with everyone and see some of the little ones. Tandy's little girl Mackenzie and Kelly's little boy Lucas and Jenni's son Brendon came home with dad at the end of the eveing to show off his room and "Baby Brooke's Room", which I should have taken a picture of because it is so darling! So here are a few pictures from the evening.

Meet Ol' Baby Blue

Bobby calls her "Baby Blue" and I call her "Ol' Blue" so maybe we'll use both, but meet our new, not very attractive car that is part of our plan to get out of debt. We were able to get a really good deal on it and it only has 77, 000 miles even though it is an '89 Buick Century and it is light blue which is one of my least favorite colors. So the Focus will likely get sold soon and we'll be off on roll on our "Debt Snowball".

List of 100

I liked this idea from several of my friends so here is my list.

1. I want more than anything to be a mom
2. I had a miscarriage in January 2007 at 10 ½ weeks
3. We have been trying again since March
4. Our baby was due in August 2007
5. I really felt like it was a girl
6. Bobby and I met 14 years ago working at a group home
7. We were together for 5 years, apart for 5 and together now for almost 4 years
8. I love that my favorite thing to do with him can be nothing
9. I was immediately attracted to how he is with kids, I can’t wait to see him be a dad
10. I am a licensed clinical social worker
11. I feel like social work is what I’m supposed to be doing but I’m tired sometimes
12. My friendships are very important to me, I have dear friends all over the country
13. I have a 14 year old cat Kira, he is my snuggler and keeps me happy
14. Grace is my 7 year old cat and she is feisty but I love her dearly
15. I love musical theatre
16. I was in at least 10 musicals/plays in high school and college
17. I went to Ball State University
18. I went to IUPUI for graduate school
19. I grew up in Muncie, In and Portland, In for a little while
20. I love to roller skate and roller blade
21. I have a sister who is 7 years younger than me, she is also a great friend
22. My parents divorced when I was 15 and we moved to Portland, In
23. I commuted 45 minutes each way to high school for 2 ½ years
24. I commute atleast an hour each way to work now.
25. I love to take pictures
26. I love to scrapbook
27. I have a home based scrapbooking business
28. I miss my mom being nearby (she moved to Nevada 5 years ago)
29. I’m grateful for my parents love and support
30. I love orange and brown
31. My favorite season is fall
32. I also love winter and snow
33. I love to go to Brown County with Bobby in the fall
34. I would love to get married in Brown County someday
35. I would like to get legally married but most of the time I feel like we are
36. I love Bobby’s family and they are very much my family now.
37. I like living in a small town now, it’s peaceful
38. I like that I still go to a big city everyday for work
39. I love to eat
40. I have struggled to lose weight most of my life
41. I lost 60 pounds in 2000 and kept it off for a year
42. I gained it back over the course of 7 years
43. I plan to rejoin weight watchers
44. I don’t enjoy exercise
45. I wish I did
46. I sometimes enjoy water aerobics
47. I like who I am
48. I want to lose weight to feel better and be healthier
49. I think I’ve always had a little bit of depression
50. I took antidepressants for a while and they helped
51. I think it would help to take them again but I’m leery in trying to get pregnant
52. I’m not a big sports fan but I love the COLTS!
53. I’ve been sad and grumpy a lot in the last year
54. I love ER, Grey’s anatomy, Ghost Whisperer (lol), Law and Order SVU &Private Practice
55. We are working really hard to get out of debt
56. Working on a budget is hard but feels good when Bobby and I work together on it
57. We would love to have a bigger house in the country someday
58. I’ve always wanted to have at least 3 or 4 children
59. At this point I’m praying for 1 healthy one and then hopefully 1 or 2 more
60. Sometimes it’s really hard to work with my clients and feel it isn’t fair they have children they don’t care for well and/or get pregnant so easily and never give it another thought.
61. I celebrate all babies but sometimes it’s hard that all my friends have them and I don’t
62. I appreciate so much the friends who ask how I am and really mean it and will listen to the real answer
63. It takes a lot of energy sometimes to pretend like things are ok when I’m really sad
64. I loved being pregnant, even with morning sickness
65. We may adopt someday and I would love that but hope we get to have at least one of our own
66. One of my greatest strengths is being able to support and encourage others
67. Right now I need to take better care of myself
68. I hate to do dishes
69. I like doing laundry
70. I love it when our house is clean
71. I love to read and wish I had more time to do it for fun
72. I love snuggling on the sofa under a blanket with my cats
73. I would love to be a stay at home mom
74. I love to do creative and crafty things
75. I spend a lot of time on my cell phone talking to friends
76. I love Italian food
77. I’m pretty sure I’m addicted to sugar, not a good thing
78. I love to get a pedicure, but not in the budget lately
79. I’ve gone to the same hairdresser since I was 16, she’s awesome
80. I love to do home improvement things
81. I listen to Dave Ramsey on my IPOD a lot
82. I hope I’ve made a difference in the lives of some children
83. I listen to the Smiley Morning show
84. I love to decorate
85. I love to buy new clothes
86. I need to ask for help from others more often
87. One of my favorite authors is Jennifer Weiner
88. I like country music, especially Martina McBride
89. I played violin for 8 years
90. Both of my parents are musicians
91. I’d like to start journaling again
92. My “religion” has been confusing over the years, but I’m grateful for my relationship with GOD
93. I’m so thankful for my relationship with Bobby, he makes me happy
94. I worry a lot
95. My favorite holiday is Thanksgiving
96. January 17th is the anniversary of our miscarriage, It’s hard that that is coming
97. Someday I want to go with Bobby on an Alaskan cruise
98. I really like Minneapolis, Minnesota ( I go every year for a scrapbooking convention)
99. I love Sunday drives with Bobby
100. I thought this might be hard but I could probably come up with more, maybe I will start journaling

Happy New Year 2008!

2007 was a year that tested my faith, heart, sanity and finances and at times it felt like any other category someone could come up with.   The year began feeling the happiest I think I 've ever been. Bobby and I were enjoying our new house together, he was expected to get a promotion with a significant raise in pay and we were thrilled about expecting our first baby.  We had just been a few days earlier to see and hear the heartbeat together and felt such joy and support from our families in anticipating this baby.  On January 17th, at 10 1/2 weeks, we found out there was no longer a heart beat and on January 19th I had to have a D&C and say goodbye to the pregnancy I had longed for my entire adult life and a tiny baby who never got the chance to share it's life with us except for a few short weeks I now hold very dear.  For being the toughest and most painful experience I've been through I can say that I saw the qualities I love most about Bobby tenfold during this time and was amazed at how much closer we became going through this together.  There are certainly moments, sometimes long ones that it is difficult to see the blessings in the sadness, but this certainly is one.  

I won't share as much detail about  all of  the other stressors, it was a difficult year at work, Bobby's company was bought out by another company and the promotion disappeared and we had to pay $3000 for a new sewage system all within the first two months of the year. The rest of the year I really think was trying to heal and recover from the first few months. 

Another blessing this year was all of the friends I have made and the friendships I have that have supported me so much around the issue of loss and fertility.   I am grateful we have God, each other, our home, income and a plan to make our finances stronger and my two cats (they give me so much comfort and laughter).  

I hope 2008 brings some peace, joy, wealth and baby Gifts.

Yay, movies!

Bobby and I have been working really hard on sticking to a budget to get ourselves out of debt and in a better financial place and as a result we haven't gone to a movie theatre to see a movie in atleast 8 months, maybe longer. So for Christmas we got movie gift certificates and a gift card to Texas Roadhouse because we also haven't been going out to eat.  On Friday we went to see I am Legend, then we went to dinner and then decided to also go see the 2nd National Treasure movie. It was a fun, relaxing day. I was coming down with a cold so the people behind me kept having to hear me sneeze but I brought a whole kleenex box with me so I was covered!  

I thought I am Legend was very good. I've never seen the other two movies that have been made with this story but I thought it was amazing for Wil Smith to be just about the only person in the movie, filming must have been very intense.  I wont give anything away but if anyone wants to talk about it I'd love to. I'll just say that dog is so cute! Makes me want a puppy but Bobby and I have the ongoing debate that he doesn't think animals should be in the house and I would be heartbroken if we had a dog and it was just locked outside all the time.  

Then we saw the National Treasure movie. The first one is one of Bobby's all time faves, which cracks me up, he loves Nicholas Cage. So he's been talking about this movie since we saw the preview months ago.    It was better than I expected but I doubt it will be up for any awards.  

I was inspired by some other bloggers and their list of 100 things, so I'm working on my list and will post it soon.  

Well, it's official. I've started my first blog! I love reading all of my friend's blogs and keeping up with new pictures of their families and I kept thinking I didn't really need to start one until we have a family and as many of you know that hasn't happened for us quite as quickly as we'd hoped so I'm beginning my blog now anyway with the many pictures that I do take and when we do have a baby, you'll get lots of those pictures too!

I'm just getting the hang of things, unlik some of you pros, Jeanelle! So I'm going to try to post a couple of my favorite pictures to start with. Grace in a basket, which is her favorite thing to do. She put herself there and sat in that pose for about 30 minutes on her own, so I had to take a picture. Bobby and I at Brown County State Park in October and both of my kids Kira and Grace, Kira is really a boy so I know his name is silly. He was a tiny kitten when we got him and thought it was a girl, by the time we found out otherwise the name had stuck but we often call him mow-mow, buddy or Bobby has started to call him "puppy" since he doesn't really like cats and wants a dog. They've become pretty good buddies for him not liking cats.